It's almost the new year. It's nice knowing that 2013 hasn't been as bad as 2010 to 2012. I've had my ups and downs throughout the year but in the end it has been a great one. Trying to figure out how to better my life has been a challenge. Every time I think I've made it to where I'm suppose to be, something else always pops up to remind me that I'm not.
I've spent pretty much my whole life obsessing about being an actress in Hollywood. That was my dream goal. Knowing that it's not going to happen and that's not where you're suppose to be is very heart breaking. I know, I know It's just Hollywood but to me Hollywood was everything. I needed to be there, making movies, smoozing with all the young , hot Hollywood hunks.
Well, to be able to be in Hollywood and audition for movies, you really need to not have anxiety or at least have it under control. That I do not have down. My anxiety is so bad, just the thought of going in for an audition makes me sick to my stomach. So, maybe Hollywood isn't for me.
I do have another passion that I would love to see happen. I love to write and always wanted to publish a novel. I could be the next Stephen King. BIG shoes to fill on that one. I know publishing a novel is more likely to happen and my anxiety won't stop me from doing it. I have big plans for the new year. I'm going to continue to try and lose weight.
My goal is to get down to 115 by the time me and my family go on our annual family vacation to Las Vegas and California. I'm 141 right now at 5'2. I've decided to go back to school and do my generals. I really wish I didn't put it off and wait till I was 25 to do it. I had to be ready and I needed to figure out what I was going back to school for.
I'm going for my BA in English and I'm going to minor in Creative Writing. I think the reason why I've waited so long to go back to school is because of the whole anxiety thing. I didn't want to go alone. I have to explain why my anxiety is so bad. In school growing up I wasn't part of the popular crowd. I wasn't very pretty, I was overweight and eccentric. I also wear hearing aids.
To the popular kids, wearing hearing aids was bad. I've been called the strangest names. They've called me Hearing Aid Girl. Yeah, I know. Not very bright. All this time I thought that was a superhero name. Turns out they were making fun of me. Idiots. Also, could they of thought of a better name than Hearing Aid Girl? I like Deaf Freak better.
Because of that I developed Social Anxiety which made me put off going back to school. Thankfully, my little sister is going back to finish her generals and she needs to do a History and English class. That is perfect for me since I love those classes and now I won't have to go alone. I do however have to go alone for my Math class cause my sister already completed that class. Ugh! I hate Math! That's one class I'm not looking forward to.
I've been in and out of therapy for post traumatic stress disorder ( that's for a different post) over the past couple of years and I am starting to think that it's time to go back. I just want my life to be better and I want to feel better. I think going back to school will be good for me, this way I can meet new people and make new friends. And maybe I can finally get a boyfriend. Hmmm...
The lack of boyfriends will be for another post. To end this post I hope you continue to read my blog and go on this very exciting journey of bettering my life.
I'm just your good old fashioned 25 year old girl who decided to embrace her eccentric side and turned Gothic Glam into an art form. When I say I love horror movie, I mean I REALLY love horror movies. I look like your typical horror Gothic girl. But don't worry, my bark is worse than my bite. ;)
*Peace, Love & Bubblegum* - Jenny
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